Desiring God
by Colin Renouf, Spiritual Director, on behalf of Whakakōingo o te Ngākau: The Yearning Heart, the Diocesan Spiritual Directors’ Group
Desire for Olympic Gold has shaped and defined the lives of the athletes who represented our country at the Paris games. That one desire has defined their daily routine, the food they ate, the people they spent time with and where they went for many years. Kiwi sprinter, Zoe Hobbs acknowledged to media that since she started the sport as a five-year-old, her aim has been to compete at the Olympics. Everything she has done since then has been shaped by that desire.
English priest and theologian, James Alison, argues that our entire lives are shaped by desire. He concludes that: “It is not the “I” that has desires, it is desire that forms and sustains the “I.” I am shaped and formed by my desires.” What is your greatest desire? Comfort and security? Olympic Gold? Family and a nice home? All valid desires, however, at the core of our being there is an insatiable desire for God. Saint Augustine expressed it like this: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”
A restless desire for God has defined my life. It compels me to set aside time every day for prayer and quiet reflection in God’s presence, to attend Mass regularly and to pursue activities that will deepen my relationship with God. That desire led me many years ago to attend my first weeklong silent prayer retreat at Teschemakers near Oamaru. What would it be like to spend a week in silence? How might God speak into my life and change me as a person? It was all a new unknown, but I was open to God and the work of the Holy Spirit within. God drew my attention to reflect on his nature as Our Father through considering each verse in Matthew 5-7 that spoke of God as Father. It was comforting to realise that Our Father knew our needs before we asked, yet waited for us to come with our needs to him in prayer. God longs for a personal relationship with us. As William Barry S.J. wrote: “God, the holy Mystery who is three in one, not only wants a personal relationship with each person, as an individual and as a community, but also acts in the world to bring about such a personal relationship.”
That retreat significantly deepened my relationship with God. Over the almost 30 years since then I have attended five or six week long retreats. Each one has been
a profound experience of encounter with the Living God. On my most recent retreat I wrote a series of poems in response to the Holy Spirit’s work within me. I
conclude with a portion of one poem.
Living God
Maker of all things
Beauty and Majesty flow from you
Captivating Entrancing God
Take my heart captive
Let me be your lover
Devoted entirely to you
For then I will be your love Flowing, moving in purity
Giving life.
